I know I’ve abandoned my blog, and I can’t guarantee that I’m going to update it regularly. In fact, I probably won’t since I post pretty much all I need to say on twitter. However, sometimes it’s nice to just fully write out your thoughts (in more than 140 characters).
I’ve been in a relationship with a guy named Wesley for almost five years. Well, that relationship ended almost two weeks ago. He moved an hour away and decided that we should break up because of that. I still think there were other reasons he wanted to end it, but it doesn’t matter now. The point is that it’s done and over with. Truth be told, it’s like weight off my shoulders. Sure, I was sad at first. When you’re with someone that long and then they’re gone, it’s an adjustment you have to make. I find it’s still hard not to text him. Nights are the worst because that’s when we used to talk the most. I wait for my phone to go off with a text from him, but it never does. That’s something that will take getting used to.
With that being said, this needed to happen. I’ve accepted it and realized this is the best for us both. Although things were once wonderful, they gradually started to crumble. We did drift apart some, but I was in denial that anything was wrong in our relationship. I gave him things I can never get back. I gave him my heart and my virginity. He was my first love. I was naive to think that I would be with only one man for the rest of my life. I wanted a fairytale ending, but let’s face it, he was no Prince Charming. He did treat me like one at first. He did so many wonderful things for me. He would take me out to eat often, open the car door for me, pull out my chair at restaurants so I could sit down, call me every night to hear my voice, etc. He once took me to a nice restaurant where he spent a hundred dollars on our meals.
About two years ago is when things started to change. He didn’t seem like the same guy anymore. He definitely wasn’t the guy that I fell in love with, but I was in denial and kept fighting for our love. I’m not sure if he just got comfortable in the relationship or if his feelings declined. I really don’t know what happened. All I know is the phone calls stopped, and he started smoking cigarettes (and dating a smoker is not something I want to do). I stopped smoking weed and doing any drugs because he said he would break up with me. (Not that I was a druggie or anything, but every once in a while I might have indulged in something). Yet, he refused to stop smoking for me because “it’s legal”. He would only make time to see me one day out of the week (for about 3 hours – enough time to have sex and watch a movie), even though he would spend way more time with his friends. He cared more about going out and getting drunk. In fact, he couldn’t even go out anywhere without at least having a drink or two. (So I was always stuck being the designated driver). I was his last priority. I knew it, but I stayed anyway. I was a hypocrite because I was telling other girls to leave when their man didn’t treat them right, but I wasn’t taking my own advice. It makes me sick to know that I got swept away in this relationship. I always thought I was smarter than that. I do know that I finally see the light now, so I guess it’s better late than never.
Aside from the way I was treated, we were also complete opposites. He’s an extrovert, I’m an introvert. He’s a Republican, I’m a Democrat. He’s religious, I’m not. The list goes on. We had talked about our future before and he said that even though I would likely be working a full time job along with him, he still expected me to clean, do his laundry, and cook for him. I’m sorry, but it’s not the 50s anymore. If we both have full time jobs, I expect us both to put in equal work at home. Do your own laundry you lazy ass. It makes me feel good to know that I don’t have to worry about this anymore.
Now that I’m single, I feel like I got back a part of me I really missed. I no longer have to worry about anyone else. I can do whatever I want and not think twice about it. I used to see him on Sunday’s, but now I can just kick back and watch Lifetime all day. They play a lot of good movies on Sunday’s, which I missed because I would be with him. Watching Lifetime was something I used to do every weekend before I met him.
Now I’m free.
