I know I’ve abandoned my blog, and I can’t guarantee that I’m going to update it regularly. In fact, I probably won’t since I post pretty much all I need to say on twitter. However, sometimes it’s nice to just fully write out your thoughts (in more than 140 characters).
I’ve been in a relationship with a guy named Wesley for almost five years. Well, that relationship ended almost two weeks ago. He moved an hour away and decided that we should break up because of that. I still think there were other reasons he wanted to end it, but it doesn’t matter now. The point is that it’s done and over with. Truth be told, it’s like weight off my shoulders. Sure, I was sad at first. When you’re with someone that long and then they’re gone, it’s an adjustment you have to make. I find it’s still hard not to text him. Nights are the worst because that’s when we used to talk the most. I wait for my phone to go off with a text from him, but it never does. That’s something that will take getting used to.
With that being said, this needed to happen. I’ve accepted it and realized this is the best for us both. Although things were once wonderful, they gradually started to crumble. We did drift apart some, but I was in denial that anything was wrong in our relationship. I gave him things I can never get back. I gave him my heart and my virginity. He was my first love. I was naive to think that I would be with only one man for the rest of my life. I wanted a fairytale ending, but let’s face it, he was no Prince Charming. He did treat me like one at first. He did so many wonderful things for me. He would take me out to eat often, open the car door for me, pull out my chair at restaurants so I could sit down, call me every night to hear my voice, etc. He once took me to a nice restaurant where he spent a hundred dollars on our meals.
About two years ago is when things started to change. He didn’t seem like the same guy anymore. He definitely wasn’t the guy that I fell in love with, but I was in denial and kept fighting for our love. I’m not sure if he just got comfortable in the relationship or if his feelings declined. I really don’t know what happened. All I know is the phone calls stopped, and he started smoking cigarettes (and dating a smoker is not something I want to do). I stopped smoking weed and doing any drugs because he said he would break up with me. (Not that I was a druggie or anything, but every once in a while I might have indulged in something). Yet, he refused to stop smoking for me because “it’s legal”. He would only make time to see me one day out of the week (for about 3 hours – enough time to have sex and watch a movie), even though he would spend way more time with his friends. He cared more about going out and getting drunk. In fact, he couldn’t even go out anywhere without at least having a drink or two. (So I was always stuck being the designated driver). I was his last priority. I knew it, but I stayed anyway. I was a hypocrite because I was telling other girls to leave when their man didn’t treat them right, but I wasn’t taking my own advice. It makes me sick to know that I got swept away in this relationship. I always thought I was smarter than that. I do know that I finally see the light now, so I guess it’s better late than never.
Aside from the way I was treated, we were also complete opposites. He’s an extrovert, I’m an introvert. He’s a Republican, I’m a Democrat. He’s religious, I’m not. The list goes on. We had talked about our future before and he said that even though I would likely be working a full time job along with him, he still expected me to clean, do his laundry, and cook for him. I’m sorry, but it’s not the 50s anymore. If we both have full time jobs, I expect us both to put in equal work at home. Do your own laundry you lazy ass. It makes me feel good to know that I don’t have to worry about this anymore.
Now that I’m single, I feel like I got back a part of me I really missed. I no longer have to worry about anyone else. I can do whatever I want and not think twice about it. I used to see him on Sunday’s, but now I can just kick back and watch Lifetime all day. They play a lot of good movies on Sunday’s, which I missed because I would be with him. Watching Lifetime was something I used to do every weekend before I met him.
Now I’m free.
I’m happy for you. I know that the end of any relationship is hard and heartbreaking to varying degrees, but I have been watching your relationship go progressively downhill for the past couple of years, and it was clear to me that he wasn’t treating you well, and that you deserve so much better. I hope you find someone who treats you well. *hug*
From your description it does sound like the distance was a cop out excuse, but like you said it was coming and you could tell that things were headed downhill. I haven’t followed your relationship to a T or anything but I’ve read bits and pieces of your blog for awhile. If anything, you’ve learned from the relationship and gained valuable insight about what you DO want in future relationships.
I think it’s really admirable that you aren’t wallowing around and can actually look at the situation and see how you can move forward to focus on your happiness. I hope that you find someone in the future who respects you and your beliefs. For now, enjoy being single and have a little self-pampering time with lifetime.
It seems like you’re taking a healthy approach to the changes in your life. Awesome! It can be really hard to let someone/something go even once you’ve realized that things have changed.
Enjoy your time to yourself! Spoil yourself!
You were together 5 years and he’d only see you 1 day a week? Wow, I think you might be better off
Sounds like he was using you for something (whether that is sex or something else).
I know it is hard initially but from the sounds of it you’ve dodged a bullet
If Wesley was really all that religious, you’d think he would’ve been spending Sundays in church and not with you. Never a good sign when one’s actions are so wildly different from the belief system they claim to hold.
Britney, I am both sorry and happy at the time same. Reading Jenn’s comment above, I completely agree. I remember reading about how Wesley would treat you terribly, end it, and then start again expecting your utmost praise and forgiveness. I think that you truly did what was best for you, and I’m proud of you for making such a tough decision, especially when you really do become “comfortable” with the person you are with for so long.
I think it’s great that you are doing things for YOU now. You’re a strong woman and I admire your exhibit of this strength here. <3
*hugs* Looks like we’re in the same boat here. I gave my virginity, my trust, my love, everything to my ex. And I agree, guys suck. *hugs again* Thanks for the comment, It means so much. xxx
I’m really sorry about your breakup. Breakups are never easy but it sounds like this may have been for the best and it sounds like you realize this and are taking it as well as you can be. You deserve better.
Of course no offense, but Wesley kinda seems like a bit of a douche. You’re better off without working a 40 hour workweek and then coming home to wash his dirty underwear. Good luck to you!
That made me giggle (about the dirty underwear). haha thank you.
I’m so sorry that your long-term relationship ended. It’s really sad when you are so close to someone and you have such a great relationship and it starts going downhill. When you give someone your everything, and this happens, it can hurt a lot. You seem strong through everything you wrote in this post though. I know you’ll find someone new who will stick with you and respect you.
Being single is great. When I was single I didn’t try to enjoy myself, I had just come out of a long relationship at the time, too. It was hard letting go and getting over it. I really do wish I had tried to enjoy being single more. I am in a relationship now and it’s going so well, but I always tell others that being single is still great.
I’m sure you will enjoy the ‘me time’ you are now in excess of! <3
Wow, it sounds just like me. I was with a guy for 5 years and the same thing happened to me. Though, I was the side ending our relationship – I had enough, I was being always hurt, always crying, trying to make it work, keep going. I kept having hope he would change back, but it was so naive. A year after the break-up I met a man of my life and now I’m sure that’s the one for me. I have a feeling we’ll marry one day, I feel so comfortable with him, save and so he treats me well. It’s been almost a year with him and my feelings keep growing, it’s amazing! So yeah, we are blind to think that our first love MUST be the last. It’s not a rule, life’s unpredictible. I hope you find a really great guy one day, you’re still a young woman!
OMG hun!!
It’s so sad to hear because I’ve known you for so long – even though we don’t talk that often, you are still one of my oldest net buddies – and I remember Wesley… I mean the beginning of your relationship… You know because I have been following your previous blogs too…
But wow…to think that he changed that much… It is obvious by your words, that it was mostly out of habit that you stayed with him… Of course feelings lingered, maybe they will always do, but still you made the right decision.
Your partner should make you feel good about yourself and now stress you out or put you down… I mean he kinda wanted you as his slave..there to have sex and talk, but he still expected his food on the table and for you to bring him his slippers or something… That is frustrating…
I’m here if you want to talk.
Spread your wings… I’m sure things will only get better now! <3