There was this guy that I was talking to. He was cute, he complimented me a lot, and he made it seem like he wanted to date me. Well, I was in no hurry to get into another relationship after the end of my previous 5 year relationship, but I was open to it. Come to find out, he was using the same lines on another chick, and they’ve been hanging out and shit.

We weren’t exclusive or anything, so of course he has the right to do whatever he wants. However, if he was serious about dating me, he should not be feeding me and other chicks the same lines at the same time. It’s just not right in my book. It’s like the lines he was feeding me was bullshit. He threw the hook in the water and waited to see who took a bite first. Well sorry, but I don’t have time for stupid player games. I’m just going to keep on being single.

I’m not a psychic by any means, but I have had odd occurrences where things come true that I’ve thought about. I think everyone has a little bit of a psychic ability. This just adds to my belief that everyone’s lives are already planned out, and everything we will do or say in the future is programmed into our minds already. I think that’s how I’m able to know certain things. This is what I believe.

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy named Wesley for almost five years. Well, that relationship ended almost two weeks ago. He moved an hour away and decided that we should break up because of that. I still think there were other reasons he wanted to end it, but it doesn’t matter now. The point is that it’s done and over with. Truth be told, it’s like weight off my shoulders. Sure, I was sad at first. When you’re with someone that long and then they’re gone, it’s an adjustment you have to make. I find it’s still hard not to text him. Nights are the worst because that’s when we used to talk the most. I wait for my phone to go off with a text from him, but it never does. That’s something that will take getting used to.

With that being said, this needed to happen. I’ve accepted it and realized this is the best for us both. Although things were once wonderful, they gradually started to crumble. We did drift apart some, but I was in denial that anything was wrong in our relationship. I gave him things I can never get back. I gave him my heart and my virginity. He was my first love. I was naive to think that I would be with only one man for the rest of my life. I wanted a fairytale ending, but let’s face it, he was no Prince Charming. He did treat me like one at first. He did so many wonderful things for me. He would take me out to eat often, open the car door for me, pull out my chair at restaurants so I could sit down, call me every night to hear my voice, etc. He once took me to a nice restaurant where he spent a hundred dollars on our meals.

About two years ago is when things started to change. He didn’t seem like the same guy anymore. He definitely wasn’t the guy that I fell in love with, but I was in denial and kept fighting for our love. I’m not sure if he just got comfortable in the relationship or if his feelings declined. I really don’t know what happened. All I know is the phone calls stopped, and he started smoking cigarettes (and dating a smoker is not something I want to do). I stopped smoking weed and doing any drugs because he said he would break up with me. (Not that I was a druggie or anything, but every once in a while I might have indulged in something). Yet, he refused to stop smoking for me because “it’s legal”. He would only make time to see me one day out of the week (for about 3 hours – enough time to have sex and watch a movie), even though he would spend way more time with his friends. He cared more about going out and getting drunk. In fact, he couldn’t even go out anywhere without at least having a drink or two. (So I was always stuck being the designated driver). I was his last priority. I knew it, but I stayed anyway. I was a hypocrite because I was telling other girls to leave when their man didn’t treat them right, but I wasn’t taking my own advice. It makes me sick to know that I got swept away in this relationship. I always thought I was smarter than that. I do know that I finally see the light now, so I guess it’s better late than never.

Aside from the way I was treated, we were also complete opposites. He’s an extrovert, I’m an introvert. He’s a Republican, I’m a Democrat. He’s religious, I’m not. The list goes on. We had talked about our future before and he said that even though I would likely be working a full time job along with him, he still expected me to clean, do his laundry, and cook for him. I’m sorry, but it’s not the 50s anymore. If we both have full time jobs, I expect us both to put in equal work at home. Do your own laundry you lazy ass. It makes me feel good to know that I don’t have to worry about this anymore.

Now that I’m single, I feel like I got back a part of me I really missed. I no longer have to worry about anyone else. I can do whatever I want and not think twice about it. I used to see him on Sunday’s, but now I can just kick back and watch Lifetime all day. They play a lot of good movies on Sunday’s, which I missed because I would be with him. Watching Lifetime was something I used to do every weekend before I met him.

Now I’m free.

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1. Complicated – Laugh out when you strike your pose. Take off all your preppy clothes.

2. Take Me Away – I feel like I am all alone. All by myself. I need to get around this.

3. Unwanted – You don’t know me. Don’t ignore me. You don’t want me there. You just shut me out.

4. Forgotten – I’m moving on. I won’t forget you were the one that was wrong. I know I need to step up and be strong.

5. Losing Grip – I was left to cry there. Waiting outside there. Grinning with a lost stare.

6. My Happy Ending – Don’t leave me hanging in a city so dead. Held up so high on such a breakable thread.

7. Nobody’s Home – Her feelings she hides. Her dreams she can’t find. She’s losing her mind.

8. Slipped Away – I remember it clearly. The day you slipped away was the day I found it won’t be the same.

9. Sk8er Boi – There is more than meets the eye. I see the soul that is inside.

10. Don’t Tell Me – Don’t try to tell me what to do. Don’t try to tell me what to say. You’re better off that way.

I recorded a video while I was there. It’s dark, so you can’t see much, but the first song playing is a dubstep mix of “Hide ya kids, hide ya wife” haha! I thought that was pretty cool. The second song that starts at 1:45 is “Got 2 Know” by Flux Pavilion. They are one of my favorite dubstep artists. I saw the girl who is dancing to that song at another rave, and she’s a good dancer. She’s also gorgeous. You can’t tell from the video, but I think she looks a lot like Shannon Elizabeth.